You may also want to push on the valve-stem push valve with a “jesus stick”. This is literally “I wouldn’t touch that with a ten-foot-pole” territory, so go find an eleven foot one with a sharp point at the end.

Tires are the enemy.

Lot of people been asking me why my voice beeps all the f**king time. The Torgue shareholders wired my voicebox with a digital censor, so I can’t say stuff like S**t c**k p***y or f**kin-d**kballs. That’s like half my vocabulary, it’s goddamn bulls**t!!

The text just says look 10 hours younger. To me, that means un-doing all the apparent signs of aging: superficial stuff. Less wrinkles, fewer sunspots/freckles, hair is back where it used to be, no more cataracts, etc. Meanwhile, your internal organs, bones, and muscles keep going with the usual aging process.

I imagine this working in a monkey’s paw kind of way. First, the local gravel suppliers just keep mis-delivering things to places where you happen to be. Then they start talking and figure out how to get rid of you so you stop costing them so much business. You survive, skip town, only to start again. You get incredibly wealthy from re-selling all this free gravel. Eventually, mountaintops start dissapearing due to all the illegal quarrying going on…

1. Sheer horror. You’ll never be able to eat these again.
2. This has been brought up before. Gravel isn’t cheap. This is basically infinite money.
3. If used continuously, you’re basically The Flash.
4. Just a bad idea unless you can put it inside your existing nose for double the sniff-sensitivity.
5. Okay, that’s just fun.
6. Again, used continuously, this is the fountain of youth. You’ll still die of old age though.
7. Only useful under very specific circumstances. Also, define a “container”.
8. Unless the Khitan civilization knew things we don’t, this isn’t useful at all.
9. Fast as he is now or when he was alive?

That’s kind of where my head was going. I also had a good chuckle when I imagined a bright turquoise baby-bag with “Makita” on the side. Then again, that’s exactly how you get a refrigerated compartment for milk.

I agree. To me, this is just an amusing fashion choice. If you’re gonna need the gear, so you may as well have fun with it.

Honestly, when it comes to any accessory or tool, it’s going to have an aesthetic. Who cares what that is (as long as it’s not offensive). There’s also a tendency to consider terms like ‘fashion’ to be emasculating, but that’s what this is: fashion. Plus, kiddo isn’t going to care about logos and any gender representation; the only shit they’re giving is in their pants.

Other fashion choices for diaper bags that could be explored:

• Metal (leather/pleather, spikes, denim, band patches)
• Goth (like above, but with less denim and more ankhs and crosses)
• Gamer (cosplay appropriate bags, pokemon that’s also a bag, D&D mimic on a shoulder strap)
• Sports (tons of practical and team-branded merch options here)
• Office (suit material, inoffensive beige, briefcase handles and leather)
• Handyman/tradesman (toolbag or toolbelt aesthetic, tool manufacturer branding)
• EMT/firefighter (first-aid compartment, red/white aesthetic, cheeky “diaper emergency kit” on outside)
• Outdoorsman (gore-tex, tent material, typical REI brands, lots of straps for different carry options)

Edit: not a dad. Some of these may already exist. Point being: it’s all a matter of taste.

Good days are in short supply right now. Why you do this?

Only if both spouses were previously married, and you ask first. With the right crowd, that’s a howler.

This is basically the same strategy that put Lego back on top. And clearly that’s working brilliantly.

Aside: Lego was staring into void until they changed leadership and pivoted to this “license everything” strategy. Why? The patent on their bricks was about to expire. Rather than run on brand recognition alone, they embraced something else that nobody else could get. Disney should take note here: any other studio could start cranking out irreverent send-ups of classic fairy tales, but they won’t have Muppets.