Yes.

Do calzones next!

Scientist: “We’ve achieved several seconds of a controlled fusion reaction with a very modest net energy gain, which will help us to fine-tune future reactor designs.

News: WORLD’S ENERGY PROBLEMS SOLVED FOREVER

Wife: “You’ve been in that shower for almost three hours! The fuck are you doing in there!?!”

This guy: “Nuttin’”

Slowly dehydrating and shrinking over time while sitting listlessly in the cold…

…laughed at and mocked by passers by…

…eventually to have your aged, mutilated carcass dragged into the street and mercilessly consumed by the neighborhood deer…

Something I learned a long time ago: I should never, no matter the circumstances, be trusted with large sums of money.

I once came into a substantial amount of money via an insurance settlement. Did I invest it? Pay off debts? Create a rainy day fund? HA! Gambling, drugs, hookers, drugs for the hookers…I lived like Caligula for almost two years. Debauchery was my middle name. And if I ever came into money like that again, I’d do the exact same thing, because it was fucking awesome!

This little thing of people getting Illuminati invites is giving me an idea for a movie…

So in my movie, a group of dudes decide to start calling themselves The Illuminati, just for the fuck of it. It’s just a name after all, and they don’t really do anything but get together and drink or fish or just do dude stuff. They make a little Facebook page for their Illuminati group that’s just pictures of them having fun.

But then they start getting contacted by world governments asking them to do like really high level stuff. Like, one country wants them to engineer a famine in a rival country, another needs them to help them cover up a UFO crash near a small town. Any they don’t know how to do any of this shit. James is an electrician. Edward teaches eighth grade Spanish. The hell do they know about being a shadow government? So now, they have to figure out how to do all this stuff while still making it look like they’re just some happy weed smoking dudes who like to hang out and have fun together.

Right? Expose your baby to quality music, like Lorna Shore.

Anyone reading this play in a punk band? Cause I just found your next album cover.

All gather and stand in awe at the majesty of the mustard tiddy!

Best. Day. Ever.

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I once saw a group of four or five seagulls gleefully dismember and eat a crab alive.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t, I’m just saying…that’s a possibility.

That’s my 20!

Little fuckass wingrat took my 20, took his picture with it and calls himself TeH mOneY PiDGiN and acts all benign and shit.

Fucker bought meth with it. Asshat.

Okay follow up question…

All at once?

If I don’t have a twin can I check that one off or do I need to pick someone at random and adopt them as my twin? Also is it 100% absorption or are there parts I can omit, or is it okay to absorb small portions, say, bodily fluids? I have specific reasons for these questions.

Mister Peen?

The body of Chrysler.