I always wonder how these guys behave up until the point where they pretty much literally say “I’m a deadbeat asshole”.
How do they fool these women into going on a date in the first place? Are they really such amazing actors, and if so, why would they just admit to being scumbags after they already successfully deceived them.
Really, you just sound stupid for going out with him in the first place. I cannot imagine someone being such a huge asshole and not showing any other red flags.
People can turn on a dime, I’ve seen it happen. It’s especially infuriating because a lot of these men’s friends will only know the good version of them and refuse to believe they’re capable of being dicks.
It’s not just good acting, it’s that some men genuinely aren’t capable of treating a partner like a person and not a thing. So they can be nice to people they consider people, or to partners who are behaving they way they deem is correct. But the second you’re dating and something doesn’t fit their narrative of how things should play out, the claws come out.
My estranged mother in law, she’s all self sacrificing nice mom until you’ve made her mad, and then the mask comes off, her voice goes cold and she looks at you with emotionless shark eyes (though it was via phone, but I could imagine it). Happened the last time I talked to her and it was exactly like my wife described it
Oh jeez yeah, I’m not saying your mil has borderline personality disorder, but that’s a thing with people who do. They put you on a pedestal and hurt themselves to give you what they think you might want, right up until you fail to properly play the role they’ve assigned you. And as you say, the eyes go cold, they get angry, and they lash out hard.
As someone who struggles maintaining her own boundaries (working on it in therapy), I have far too much experience with this.
People with narcissistic personality disorder can do something similar.
People with untreated narcissistic and borderline are really good at using emotion to override certain types of people’s knowing better.
We think she’s a narcissist, and she was all about looking like a martyr. She didn’t actually sacrifice, but she developed the appearance of such. The reaction I described usually came out when the house of cards was threatened
I was a fool for this type of shit once. Granted, I was 17, with no emotional intelligence or confidence. He saw an opportunity to be able to control someone, and it worked.
I will honestly never forgive myself for the years I wasted. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.
Unfortunately I don’t think they need to be good actors in the first place.
One of the lessons of the last decade of the shit show that we call human society has been that awful and/or stupid people rise to positions of power and influence every day by acting confident and promising things they can’t deliver.
The modern confidence man isn’t the thief of the street but the legitimate executive.
I always wonder how these guys behave up until the point where they pretty much literally say “I’m a deadbeat asshole”.
How do they fool these women into going on a date in the first place? Are they really such amazing actors, and if so, why would they just admit to being scumbags after they already successfully deceived them.
Really, you just sound stupid for going out with him in the first place. I cannot imagine someone being such a huge asshole and not showing any other red flags.
People can turn on a dime, I’ve seen it happen. It’s especially infuriating because a lot of these men’s friends will only know the good version of them and refuse to believe they’re capable of being dicks.
It’s not just good acting, it’s that some men genuinely aren’t capable of treating a partner like a person and not a thing. So they can be nice to people they consider people, or to partners who are behaving they way they deem is correct. But the second you’re dating and something doesn’t fit their narrative of how things should play out, the claws come out.
My estranged mother in law, she’s all self sacrificing nice mom until you’ve made her mad, and then the mask comes off, her voice goes cold and she looks at you with emotionless shark eyes (though it was via phone, but I could imagine it). Happened the last time I talked to her and it was exactly like my wife described it
Oh jeez yeah, I’m not saying your mil has borderline personality disorder, but that’s a thing with people who do. They put you on a pedestal and hurt themselves to give you what they think you might want, right up until you fail to properly play the role they’ve assigned you. And as you say, the eyes go cold, they get angry, and they lash out hard.
As someone who struggles maintaining her own boundaries (working on it in therapy), I have far too much experience with this.
People with narcissistic personality disorder can do something similar.
People with untreated narcissistic and borderline are really good at using emotion to override certain types of people’s knowing better.
We think she’s a narcissist, and she was all about looking like a martyr. She didn’t actually sacrifice, but she developed the appearance of such. The reaction I described usually came out when the house of cards was threatened
deleted by creator
Yeah its like it doesn’t bother him when he first starts talking and dating but will suddenly switch as soon as he feels insecure.
I was a fool for this type of shit once. Granted, I was 17, with no emotional intelligence or confidence. He saw an opportunity to be able to control someone, and it worked. I will honestly never forgive myself for the years I wasted. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.
50/50 this dude is super attractive and has never had to learn any better. I knew several of these in college. This has worked for them.
Unfortunately I don’t think they need to be good actors in the first place.
One of the lessons of the last decade of the shit show that we call human society has been that awful and/or stupid people rise to positions of power and influence every day by acting confident and promising things they can’t deliver.
The modern confidence man isn’t the thief of the street but the legitimate executive.