I think if someone implied they were bringing someone without at least asking, as this person did, I would match their rude energy and say “I did not agree to that, so here are my boundaries.”
The way the other party phrased it would annoy the shit out of me. 'I’m bringing my best friend." Ok, so why don’t you date them? Causes way more friction than asking “Hey, I know it’s unconventional but I would like a friend to be there just for my safety since we don’t know eachother yet.”
This happened to me, but we all went back to my apartment and played Smash Bros. I did not get laid and I have no regrets.
You are not wrong. But I think you are being an asshole about it. You could have said “that is cool, but I’m not paying for her food” and is it. No need to be rude.
I had a girl bring a guy friend along on our first date without giving me a heads up for the same reason. I was like, ok that’s a little weird but whatever. I’m certainly not going to give someone shit for doing something that makes them feel comfortable. Ended up chatting it up with the guy friend who turned out to be super cool.
So me and the girl end up seriously dating after a while and she later tells me that she spent most of our first date trying to subtly get her friend to leave so that she could spend more time with me.
Ok thats nice
It took me far too long to realize what “apeach” or “abutt” meant
Clbuttic mistake to make
Last time a chick brought a friend with her, I got on better with the friend… And I went home with the friend. Pro tip, if youre bringing a friend. Dont make it a friend thats better to talk to than you are.
I say get it while you can, you don’t turn your back on love, no no no. -Janis Joplin
Or do.
Who gives out money on a first date? Go have walk somewhere.
It wouldn’t bother me if somebody wanted to bring a friend on a date. However, I would communicate that it would change the dynamic into a “hangout” over a traditional “date” for me. The difference being that a date carries romantic intent and a hangout is for the sake of connecting with others without romantic expectations. Also, a hangout means everybody pays for themselves.
This takes the pressure off by lowering the stakes since it’s now just a casual hangout between peers. It also has the benefit of making the third not feel excluded as a third wheel but a welcome part of the group.
I had a girl cancel and reschedule our first date shortly before we were supposed to meet up. That date happened, and she confided in me that she’d done that on purpose to gauge my reaction and general demeanor before actually coming out to meet me. I respected that move, and I think I would have been okay with her bringing a friend instead, as long as it was just the once.
Anyway, that was eight years ago, we’re married now.
Nice that it worked out but deception and playing games would be a huge red flag for me. Nothing about that instance in particular, it’s just that I’d always wonder “is this situation for real or another trick?”
Maybe the immediate followup fixes it. You were strangers then after all. And after eight years of course you know what you’re working with haha
Damnit now I’m just rambling to myself, carry on!
Or does he?
You’re a dumbass for playing along with such insane bullshit but I’m glad it worked out for you.
I don’t think “begrudging women a single test to see if someone is the type to explode over a single inconvenience” is the right hill to stick your flag on.
Yeah, I’d say it’s a red flag except there are a ton of crazies that this quickly filters for them and keeps them safe from.
So in an ideal world it would be bad, but it makes sense in the one we live in.
Look at this dude… Being happy
Quick! Scan his post and comment history to find something to bring him down!!
I bet he misses a lot of MtG sessions. 😏
Weakness identified!
Who do you think you are, flexing your relationship like that.
Mr. Fancy-look-at-me-i’m-married-pants
Grey text is looking out for their safety, good for them. Blue text is clearly communicating their boundaries, good for them. Neither is phrasing their needs as I would, but that’s small potatoes. I’d rather date either of these people than most of the ones replying in this thread.
Is it still normalized that the man should pay the date?
What year is it? 1825?
A lot of women consider it a deal breaker to this day
If I remember correctly (it’s been over 16 years), my wife suggested separate checks the first time, and I told her I’d pay this time and she could get the next one if she wanted to go out again.
I think I still ended up paying for the next one (or separate checks), but that wasn’t a cultural norm thing, I just get uncomfortable with other people paying for me.
I call those women… never. Had a girl turn up with a friend, everyone paid for their own drinks. And this was in the early 00s.
My current fiance said she almost didn’t want to go on a second date with me because I wanted to go Dutch on our first date. She still tells me to this day that I’m lucky I was cute.
what does go dutch mean
Date pays for their stuff, you pay for your own. Basically, separate tabs.
To be clear, I would have paid if she had asked me to at the time. When the bill came for the food, I asked if she wanted separate or together, but my phrasing made it sound like I wanted to split it and she said that was fine. Whoops.
Don’t worry, she’s making up for lost time. I pay for almost everything when we go out now 😅
Humans are weird. I’m glad we penguins aren’t as complicated.
Butt stuff
???
Sorry, was funny to me at the time! It’s splitting the bill
This is an outdated expectation, although it could also be considered respectful on a date.
I’ve heard that in restaurants in the USA you often give your credit card and they scan it and return it because they don’t have portable terminals. I’ve also heard that it’s often returned to the man regardless of name on card / who gave it. Both of these seem very outdated.
Smart servers just put the check and the card between the people if it’s not obvious who’s paying. I’m a great test case for this because my spouse and I both happen to have first names that could belong to a man or a woman.
It’s pretty much random which one of us pays because we pool our money anyway.Often they drop the bill in the little book and we stick the card in the end of it and put it back on the end of the table, they come by, run the card and then come back….
you can see the fear in their eyes sometimes, like “oh shit. This could be either one of them… 50/50 chance I annoy the one who’s writing the tip”.
We’ve both worked service industry so we don’t care at all and tip well either way but it’s pretty funny to see the realization sometimes.
Oh and, if it’s two people on a date (not a boring old married couple like us eating dinner) and there’s only one bill… 9/10 it’s the guy paying.
If i invite someone out to dinner I pay. If someone invites me out to dinner I expect them to pay. However, I think in general in the US most men and women expect the man to pay.
If it were the girl shouldn’t have any choice.
Now they have things called rights and stuff
I remember when a date auction at my college worked this way, the girls always came in pairs. When I thought about it afterwards, it made sense, but it still made me feel just apprehensive enough in the moment - being outnumbered in a moment of social vulnerability - that I didn’t bid on anyone.
The idea of paying for a date is weird to me but in that scenario I guess the bright side is twice as many girls to potentially hit it off with at once.
If it matters, the money in that case was going to a charitable cause, not the people you’d date.
Yeah, I get it, it’s still kind of weird to me. If I have to pay for a woman’s attention who wouldn’t be interested otherwise I’d just assume not bother her with it.
Just reminds me of this…which is genders reversed https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8YawKzARhHw&t=2m26s
It would be such an ego booster watching people bid higher and higher on you. On the flip side you could end up the Reject section.
Plot twist. Mate drops the og girl and falls for her friend.
It looks like I’m going on a double date.
I’ve been dating most of my life and never once had a woman ask to bring a friend and I am a very large man. Also, I feel like 1st dates are implied dutch unless someone offers to pay. I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life. I don’t know how he would even think he’d be paying for the friend too. It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do. If a woman expected that at check time, I would be pretty surprised. Maybe I’m just old, but this whole interaction feels weird.
There’s a non insignificant amount of women dating only for free meals, and a lot of them expect men to pay for any number of friends. A lot of guys have opted for lower cost or zero cost first dates, like walks to screen for this.
Anyone afraid to go to an agreed meeting in a public place NEEDING a friend along is beyond weird
The friend isn’t there for when the date is in the public space. The friend is there for after to ensure the girl gets home safe.
Wtf. No. They are just scared.
I think the implied weirdness is that, if you’re scared, why even agree to the date in the first place?
I’ve never discussed who will pay before a date in my life
Either this person in incredibly tactless or this is some kind of incel meme shitpost.
Either way, whomever is passing it around seems to have a bone to pick.
It wouldn’t even cross my mind as something a woman would assume a date was expected to do.
Idk, really depends on the dynamic between them all. If they’re broke college kids and he’s an older person with a stable job and surplus cash? If he’s picking the restaurant to impress her, knowing she can’t afford it? If he already offered up thread in order to entice her out?
But that makes the “date” feel more like a Sugar Baby relationship than a proper date. Also might explain why she feels the need to bring a friend.
Yeah, I have never had any desire to date a woman I had to pay for everything to impress. I am happy to pay if I know their financial situation is sketchy, but I would offer that. I don’t do sugar daddy shit. I prefer women with better motives in dating.
