Just get a damn bidet. Life changing.
Take just it
I don’t know where they keep theirs. I’ll probably need to just get my own.
Check their toilets
Not all poops occur at home.
Travel bidet. I know of two co-workers who bring one to work daily. Think squeeze bottle with a long straw.
Edit: personally I’m not a fan, to be clear, but it’s possible.
I did this once
The feeling of sweaty aka slippery butt cheeks in summer while walking to class and worst of all climbing stairs was too much. And let’s not forget that farts have a to physically separate your cheeks to escape. Too much weird feeling.
Never again
Now I let my butthole grow some hair but keep it trimmed low because I’m not a heathen
I’m pretty sure this is where the term “butt trumpet” came from.
Just use some gold bond or other body powder. Problem solved. Thongs also solve the problem and are really quite comfortable once you’re used to them.
This is why three seashells are superior to TP.
Stop trying to push your BS Dr. Cocteau.
HAH! He doesn’t know what the seashells are for!
That moment when OP doesn’t know about the seashells (sremoveds in Rob Schneider)
All fun and games until you try and let a sneaky one rip in public
Wait 2 days, till it starts growing back.
I tried shaving my asshole but he ran away and never came back.
fr tho, from personal experience shaving ur arsehole is a fucking blessing
I could not imagine the regrowth itch from that being part of the blessed experience?
There simply is none if you do it regularly, at least for me.
A truly brutal experience I’ll never revisit.
As someone with a lot of experience shaving body hair, if you do it regularly it’s fine. If you do it every once in a while, that’s where it gets itchy. Tbh armpits get the itchiest regrowth, for me anyway.
that is 100% true.
but since i found that i actually enjoy all my body hair being off, i just shave everything 1-2 times a week.
except my beard. gotta have something to remain dwarven.
Horror story:
Shaved mine in prep for my first colonoscopy. I know, they see some nasty shit, don’t know why I cared. Took TWO bottles of the lemon flavored ass blaster juice.
Ended up holding my ass cheeks apart and screaming at my ex-wife, “Get the neighbor! GET THE NEIGHBOR!” Said neighbor was a nurse but I was in such agony I couldn’t think of her name.
Halfway down my ass cheeks, and all the way down from there, my flesh looked sandpapered, sunburned. Pain doesn’t make me cry, but my eyes were plenty blurry that night.
And I still had to shit more lemon juice. Try not to think on this story.
My life is better knowing i will.never do this to myself.
Thanks - you’ve made the rest of us look better, just by sharing your story
What the fuck is “lemon flavored ass blaster juice”??
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodium_citrate
In solution with water it tastes somewhere between the worlds worst flattest sprite and a sweet lemon.
Why would you drink two bottles of that before a colonoscopy?!
Can’t tell if you’re joking, but you have to. The doctor prescribes it, and it cleans everything out of your system. By the end, you’re just crapping out the lemon drink itself and you’re squeaky clean for the camera
Oh shit, didn’t know that. Luckily I’ve never had a colonoscopy! Thanks for explaining!
Your colon is like a road:
Would you rather drive down a smooth, well maintained, Clean road or a muddy mess that’s never seen a cleanup crew?
You don’t technically have to, but I think whoever is driving the colonoscope might refuse to work in those conditions.
It’s not about the driver experience, it’s about the road inspection. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp the inspector sees, they will cut it out, problem averted. If the patient has a pre-cancerous polyp obscured by stool, it gets missed and then in a few years turns to cancer. And survival rates for colon cancer are depressingly low.
I think he’s mistaking it for magnesium citrate. It pulls water into your intestines via osmosis and makes you squirt constantly.
🥵
magnesium citrate is probably what he took
What was the neighbor’s reaction?
Buddy anything other then soap around you squishy bits is asking for trouble.
I thought you wanted your neighbour to watch for a moment there
“Oh? That wasn’t what you called me for?”
puts away wine bottle
Shaving can be… bad: https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html
Came looking for exactly that epic story 😄
Bidet is the way
Nair bikini on ur butthole. It will change ur life.
Yall ever fucked with an aerodynamic anus before???
Nair feels like getting the shit chemically burned off. I’ll shave with cream and a blindfold before ever doing that again.
I don’t care how silky the hole is. I would rather do gymist poses in the mirror.
I guess you’ve got really delicate skin :P I’ve definitely left the cream on longer than they suggest and I never got any irritation or chemical burns.
The worst is a couple ingrown hairs that are irritated for the first few days.
Must.
Ex used extra strength. Tried it then. My little pale ass felt like I got dunked in an acid vat.
Errbody different. Glad it works for you and your silky holes lol
I’ve been doing this with “Veet gel cream hair remover - sensitive hair removal cream” for the past 6 months and it really is a game changer. No burning (and I’ve left it on longer than 10 minutes), wiping is almost always a one-and-done, BO is gone, it’s amazing, honestly.
bidets or water solve this too
You can get a toilet bidet attachment that turns your toilet into a washlet. Get a good one with front and back settings, and you don’t have to wipe the front either.
Ours was only about $27, hooked up on about 20 minutes with just a wrench, and has worked flawlessly for the last 2 years.
Easily the best $27 I’ve ever spent, and the entire family agrees. People who immediately shut down the conversation because it’s icky, need to grow up.
As often is the case, it’s best to do a little of both.
OP didn’t mention the AGONIZING itch you get from the skin rubbing. Make sure to use some powder or some shit. Also it grows back in a week and takes so much time.
Just get a bidet.
And if you work out, the sweat just makes it all slidey back there ++ungood.
Wait till he finds out what it feels like growing back in
I eat a lot of fibre; makes the cleaning part a lot easier.
But these hairs that we have a fetish for removing are functional for our health and comfort, to varying degrees.
I take a monster shot of psyllium husk everyday. Hardly anything to wipe and my shit no longer stinks.
